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 Cross-Cultural
worker Marriage Issues: Not Called, But Willing
Ronald Koteskey
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Mary said, “I feel like God is calling me to teach in an international
Christian school overseas.”
“That’s wonderful, Mary” you exclaimed as you turned to her husband and said,
“What about you, Bob?”
Bob replied, “I don’t have a cross-cultural call, but I’m willing to go along
so that Mary can obey God’s call.”
Though such conversations commonly occur today, they would have been quite
meaningless a little over two hundred years ago when William and Dorothy Carey
became cross-cultural workers. During the late eighteenth century, nearly
everyone interpreted the “great commission” in the final chapters of Matthew and
Mark as being given to the apostles who heard it and carried it out. That
command was for them alone and did not apply to anyone since then.
It was William Carey and other English Baptists who began to reinterpret
these passages in the 1780s. On May 12, 1792, his radical book, An Enquiry
into the Obligations of Christians to Use Means for the Conversion of the
Heathens, was advertised in the Leicester Herald. In that book he asked
whether or not the Great Commission was still binding, surveyed the book of
Acts, presented detailed data on the state of the world relative to the gospel,
and countered objections to the cross-cultural worker enterprise.
That book and William Carey’s life brought about major changes in the way
Christians viewed people in other countries who were not likeminded. Today
people around the globe commonly talk about having a cross-cultural call in
which individuals feel they must go into another culture and tell the Good News.
Who is called?
This question has had a broad spectrum of answers during the last two
centuries.
- No one. The Great Commission was given to the
people who were there when Jesus spoke, and it applied only to them.
- Everyone. The Great Commission applies to
everyone, even people today. Thus, everyone is responsible to spread
the Good News to every people group.
- Only people who receive some kind of “call” from God.
People who receive this special summons from God are to leave their culture
and to spread the Good News as God has directed. Other people remain
in their passport cultures as supporters.
Why is the “call” a marriage issue?
It is not an issue if no one is called or if everyone is called because
everyone is the same. However, if or when one spouse feels called to leave
the passport country to spread the Good News and the other sees no reason to
leave home, this becomes an issue. If they stay at home, the first spouse
is frustrated because he or she may feel guilty for not obeying God. If
they go to another culture, the second spouse may resent it when he or she gets
beyond “vacation mode” to the time when culture shock and the stress of living
in another culture set in.
What does the Bible say about a call?
The Bible does not mention a specific “cross-cultural call” as such, but it
is helpful to consider how the first people to serve cross-culturally in the
book of Acts came to do so.
- An angel told Philip to go to a particular road (Acts 8:26).
- While Philip was on his way, the Sprit directed him to the chariot (Acts
8:29).
- As Saul (Paul) was traveling along a road, a light flashed around him,
and Jesus told him to go into the city (Acts 9:3-6).
- In a vision the Lord told Ananias that he had chosen Saul (Paul) to go
to the Gentiles (Acts 9:15).
- While they were worshiping and fasting, the Holy Spirit told the church
in Antioch to set Saul (Paul) and Barnabas apart for the work to which God
had called them (Acts 13:2).
- During the night Paul had a vision of a man who begged him to come and
help (Acts 16:9).
Note the variety of times of day, settings, people involved, spiritual beings
involved, senses involved, and so forth. God does not “call” people in any
one way. He does so through many different means.
How are people called today?
Since there is disagreement about who is called and God calls in such a
variety of ways, there is no generally accepted definition of how people are
called. However, the following are often found in descriptions of one’s
call.
- Following some crisis experience some people have an inner persuasion
that God has chosen them for some particular purpose they feel compelled to
fulfill.
- Church leaders, mentors, agency leaders, and peers who know persons well
verify that these individuals are people God is likely to call into service,
often considering the attributes listed in 1Timothy 3 and Titus 1.
- Often individuals can point to particular passages of Scripture that
support their calls into cross-cultural ministry. God uses Scripture
to affirm the call and guide them in decisions made after the call.
- Called people have ongoing ministries in the local church in evangelism,
discipleship, education, counseling, or other such areas. People who
do not do these things within their own culture are not likely to do them in
another culture. The best predictor of future behavior is past
behavior.
- Preachers preach, teachers teach, and the called person has some idea of
how he or she as a cross-cultural worker will “mish.” They will know
what they are to do.
- Called people are eager to prepare in terms of education and experience
to fulfill their call. Paul went to Arabia for three years of
preparation after his call and before his active ministry.
- Called people have a great concern over others being lost in sin.
Though humanitarian service is good, the essence of cross-cultural work is
the salvation of the lost.
- Called people usually are called to some particular task, people group,
place, and so forth rather than just seeing great needs in other places.
Of course, no one is perfect in all of these respects, but research has shown
that people who have definite calls are much more likely to serve for a longer
time than those who go for other reasons.
Are there false “calls”?
People have a variety of reasons for thinking they should become
cross-cultural workers, and some mistake these for a “call.” Here are some
of those reasons.
- Earning God’s love. People who believe that they
are not loved may think that sacrificing to become a cross-cultural worker
will win God’s approval.
- Penance. People feel guilty and try to pay for
their sin by serving in difficult or dangerous places.
- Family pressure. Parents who feel guilty for not
obeying their call may encourage their children to become cross-cultural
workers.
- Travel. People who want to see the world or have
adventures may seek these through cross-cultural work.
- Going home. People who grew up overseas may be
looking for a way to get “home” and find it through cross-cultural work.
- Quotas. Some churches or agencies set goals to
send a certain number of cross-cultural workers in the next year, and people
may go to meet that “quota.”
- Meeting needs. Some people are concerned about
meeting needs of poor people overseas and go on the basis of a purely
humanitarian motive.
The list can go on and on, but people who go for these reasons often do not
last long on the field. Many return home, but others remain and become
“high maintenance,” taking up the time of those really called.
What can a couple do?
Making sure that both husband and wife have genuine calls before beginning
cross-cultural service is a good way to avoid this conflict and stress in their
marriage. It may also prevent their causing problems in the cross-cultural
worker community in which they work.
Two misunderstandings are possible. First, the one who feels called may
have a “false” call, and after a brief period of time may become a casualty.
Second, the one who does not feel called may have a genuine call and become an
effective cross-cultural worker. Thus, couples need to consider both of
these.
The couple should examine carefully the “call” of the person who claims to
have it. People who have the false calls mentioned above are not evil
people trying to sabotage the cross-cultural worker enterprise. Many of
them are sincere in their desire to serve. They really do want to please
God, to atone for their sins, to please their parents, and so forth down the
list. However, when difficult times occur, their lack of a genuine call
makes it impossible for them to weather the storm. Then they have problems
themselves and/or become problems to others.
Likewise, people who do not believe they have a call may really have one and
not recognize it. These people may have heard cross-cultural workers tell
of their dramatic call to service or have read in Scripture about the calls of
Philip or Paul. Though they may have prayed for cross-cultural workers and
given to such work, they have never seen a vision, heard from an angel, or
been blinded by a light and heard from Jesus as they traveled down the road.
Their burden for the lost and compassion for those who have never heard may be
part of God’s call.
Since people may not be conscious of some of their motives, talking with a
counselor who knows about God’s call on people’s lives may be helpful.
Talking with an understanding cross-cultural worker who can help sort things out
may be even more helpful. In no case should they go until both have the
sane call or one has a specific call to service and the other is called to serve
wherever his or her spouse is called.
Ronald Koteskey is
Member Care Consultant
GO International
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