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 Cross-Cultural Worker Marriage Issues: What about Dorothy?
Ronald Koteskey
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Replying to some of his critics, Paul said, “Don’t we have the right to take
a believing wife along with us, as do the other apostles and the Lord’s brothers
and Cephas?” (1 Corinthians 9:5). As this indicates, some early Christian
workers may have taken their spouses to other cultures as they served there.
However, we do not have any actual examples in Scripture where this was done.
To find a well-documented account of a married couple serving
cross-culturally, we have to move forward in time about 1700 years to the
beginning of the modern cross-cultural worker movement. We also have to
move several thousand miles from the Middle East to central England.
Wife of a Shoemaker
Dorothy was born into a farming family in England in 1756. Her family
attended a small country church, and it was there that Dorothy met William who
was apprenticed to the village shoemaker. Like most young women in her
day, Dorothy could not read or write; however William read continually and
became a prolific writer as well. All seemed to be going well when they
married on June 10, 1781, as the war with the thirteen colonies in America was
coming to a close. Two and a half years later William and Dorothy inherited the
shoemaking business when the shoemaker died, and their marriage seemed to be off
to a good start. They were two Christian young people who grew up in
Christian families, attended the same church, married, and set out to serve
Christ in business in their village.
Wife of a Pastor
However, things changed within a few years when William began preaching in
village churches. Four years later (1785) they moved to Moulton where he
became an ordained minister. Four years later (1789) they moved to
Leicester so he could teach school during the day, work as a shoemaker, and
preach seven times every two weeks. Still the family struggled
financially, at times coming close to starving. During this time they had
six children, and two of those died at the age of two. Up to this point
they were a rather “typical” struggling pastoral family.
However, William became more and more burdened for the “heathen” overseas as
the years passed. In 1792 he published a pamphlet about the obligations of
Christians to convert “heathens” in the different nations of the world.
Later that year he became a central figure in the formation of a new
cross-cultural worker sending agency. Soon William volunteered to go to
India as a cross-cultural worker, and he wanted to take Dorothy and their
children with him. Here are events during the first half of 1793:
- January 9: William and his friend John were appointed as the agency’s
first cross-cultural workers.
- January 16: Knowing that Dorothy was reluctant to go as a cross-cultural
worker, Andrew (representing the agency) met with a friend to lay plans to
talk with Dorothy. She refused when they met with her.
- February 1: France declared war on Britain.
- March 17: William preached his last sermon in England.
- March 26: Dorothy, William, and their three sons (Felix, William
Jr., and Peter) said their goodbyes, not knowing when they would meet again.
- April 4: William, John, and 8-year-old Felix departed on a ship to meet
up with a convoy for India, but they were delayed six weeks on the Isle of
Wight because of the war (Dorothy remained at home).
- About May 3: Dorothy gave birth to a son and named him Jabez
(because I bore him in sorrow).
- May 22: Still waiting for the convoy, William and John learned of a
Danish ship soon to sail for India. William wanted to see if Dorothy
would go.
- May 24: After traveling all night William, John, and Felix arrived
for breakfast. They pled with Dorothy during the meal, but she still
refused to go.
- May 24: On their way to ask someone for more money, John suggested
that they go back to talk to Dorothy, but William refused. John said
he was going back alone. William said he could, but it was a waste of time.
- May 24: John met with Dorothy and told her that “…her family would
be dispersed and divided forever—she would repent of it as long as she
lived…” Dorothy agreed to go to India on the condition that her sister
come with them too. Dorothy and William then convinced Catharine to go
with them, packed, sold other possessions, said goodbye to family and
friends, and raised money for travel in less than 24 hours.
- May 25: The whole family, including 3-month-old Jabez left for Dover!
- May 30: Representing the agency, Andrew wrote a fund-raising letter
saying, that William’s “heart is happy, having his family with him. An
objection against the Agency is removed, of its separating a man from his
wife…” Andrew went on to say that if William had not “taken his family
he must have come home again in a few years. Now there will be no need
of that. He will live and die in the midst of 100 millions of
heathens…”
Andrew also concluded that God had prevented the departure so that William’s
family might accompany him so that “all reproaches on that score might be
prevented.”
John was pleased. William’s heart was happy. Andrew, the agency,
and supporters were satisfied.
What about Dorothy?
Wife of a Cross-cultural worker
The couple thought they barely had time to catch the ship, but it was more
than two weeks late. June 13, 1793, they sailed from England with four
children under the age of eight, one of them only six weeks old. They
sailed for nearly five months without a single stop in a port and arrived in
India on November 11, 1793. During the few days remaining in that year
they lived in two places, first in Calcutta where Dorothy and Felix became ill
with dysentery (which lasted a full year) and then in the Portuguese community
of Bandel.
1794 was a year of moving, loss, and stress. In January they lived in
Manicktullo which Wiliam thought was too civilized. In February-April they
began to build a home in the Sunderbunds which was characterized as a “malarious
uncultivated district” in which tigers had killed 12 men during the previous
year. In May they began a three-week river trip to their next home, but
Dorothy’s sister remained to marry a man she met there. June-July they
lived with acquaintances in Malda, and William commuted to Mudnabatti to work.
In August the whole family moved again to be near William’s work. Their
son Peter (age 5) died there in October. Following are quotes from
William’s letters and journals during the next 12 years.
- 1795: “You know that Dorothy sent a letter express yesterday to me..”
(in the letter she accused William of being “unfaithful” to her).
- 1796: “If he goes out of his door by day or by night, she follows him;
and declares in the most solemn manner that she has catched him with his
servants, with his friends, with Mrs. Thomas, and that he is guilty every
day and every night.”
- 1797: “Some attempts on my life have been made…. I am sorely distressed
to see my dear children before whom the greatest indecencies and most
shocking expressions of rage are constantly uttered.”
- 1798: “Dorothy is as wretched as insanity can make her almost and often
makes all the family so too.”
- 1799: “…such a time of wandering up and down and perplexity as we have
never had.”
- 1800: “Dorothy is stark mad.”
- 1801: “She has been cursing tonight in the most awful manner, till weary
with exhaustion she is gone to sleep.”
- 1802: “Dorothy is quite insane, and raving, and is obliged to be
constantly confined.”
- 1803: “Dorothy is as bad as ever.”
- 1804: “Dorothy is if anything worse…”
- 1805: “Her insanity increases, and is of that unhappy cast which fills
her with continual rage or anxiety.”
- 1806: “Poor Dorothy grows worse, she is a most distressing object.”
- 1807: “My poor wife remains a melancholy spectacle of mental
imbecility.” Much more is available in James Beck’s (1992) excellent
book, Dorothy Carey, published by Baker Books.
What about Dorothy?
During their years in India the family moved from one site to another.
They had little or no contact with other Europeans during that time. They
had no Indian converts in the first seven years, though some expatriates from
other countries were converted. They were often in danger from flooding
rivers, tigers, jackals and other things. They repeatedly had many
diseases including dysentery, malaria, and other parasites. Several times
they actually thought they were going to die.
On December 12, 1807, William wrote a colleague that “…it pleased God to
remove my wife by death. She had been in a state of the most distressing
derangement for these last twelve years…” Dorothy, the woman who had
expected the life of a wife of a shoemaker in England, died at the age of 51
after 14 miserable years in India.
Dorothy was the wife of William Carey, widely acclaimed to be the “father of
modern cross-cultural workers.” No one can question the commitment,
dedication, effectiveness, and discipline of William Carey—but what about
Dorothy? What about their marriage relationship? How did this
marriage of the “father of modern cross-cultural workers” influence those of
cross-cultural workers that followed? Did William learn anything from this
sad ending? Did sending agencies learn anything from it?
We will return to this story repeatedly in future chapters as we consider
cross-cultural worker marriage issues. (To find out immediately what the
people involved learned, read the “What about Charlotte?” brochure, the
conclusion to this series.)
Ronald Koteskey is
Member Care Consultant
GO International
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