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What Cross-Cultural workers Ought to Know about Suicide
At first you ignore the remarks because you think
the people could not really mean them. After all, they are
both Christians serving God overseas, so surely they would not do
such a thing. However, later that evening you have second
thoughts. Perhaps the student really meant it!
Adolescent girls only talk about suicide, but they do not actually
do it, do they? Aren’t boys the ones who do? Perhaps the
teacher really meant it—but no, as a respected older man he has too
much to live for. Besides, adolescents take their lives, not
older people, do they? In addition, you do not want to talk
about it and plant the idea! Suppose you are wrong. What if they really
meant it? How would you know if they meant it? What
could you do about it? What if you are thinking of taking your
own life? Let us consider these things. Is that true?
Many myths surround suicide. If you believe
these myths, you may miss a chance to save a life. Here are a
few of those myths.
Is suicide sin?
Many people assume that the Bible states that suicide is sin.
It is true that several people (Judas, for example) took their own
lives, and God never gave his approval to any of those. Most
of those who took their own lives did it as a direct result of doing
evil, and they probably could see no other way out. However, the Bible nowhere specifically states that suicide is
sin. The Bible does say that murder (taking someone’s life) is
wrong. In fact, that is one of the Ten Commandments in Exodus
20. Most Christians believe that the command not to take
someone’s life includes not taking one’s own life. Would God’s people do it?
Godly people are no exception. The Bible records several
prominent individuals who wanted death very much. We often
quote wonderful statements Job made as he suffered, but we forget
some of his negative statements. Job cursed the day of his
birth (Job 3:1), asked why he did not die at birth (Job 3:11), and
wished he had never come into being or died at birth (Job 10:19). In fact, some of God’s people wish for death shortly after great
spiritual victories. For example, shortly after Elijah had a
great victory over the prophets of Baal on Cross-cultural workers wouldn’t, would they?
Yes, cross-cultural workers may come to wish for death as well.
This goes back to the first cross-cultural worker in the Old
Testament, and it happened after one of the most successful terms of
service ever. After his initial disobedience, Jonah obeyed
God. When he did, more than 120,000 people repented.
Instead of rejoicing, Jonah wanted to die and told God, “I’d be
better off dead” (Jonah 4:8). Of course, God did not take his
life but tried to reason with him. Like other people, cross-cultural workers and TCKs do take their
lives. If you hear people say that they are thinking of
suicide, it is time for you to take action to prevent it. What can I do?
 Of course, you want to help, but how do you know what to do?
What you do depends on how serious the person is about harming
himself or herself. You can do this by going through the
following three steps in order. If at any time during these
steps you feel uncomfortable about doing them, you can report what
you have found to the person’s superior in his or her agency.
Do not simply ignore this call for help—do something! Step 1: The idea?
Ask people whether or not they have thought about harming
themselves. Some people will say that they never have.
Others (probably the majority) will say that they have, but it was
during a difficult time years ago, and they would never do anything
like that now. If that is the case, just let the issue drop.
However, if they say that they have been thinking recently about
taking their lives, you need to take further action. Don’t act shocked or be sworn to secrecy. Do listen
non-judgmentally, offer empathy, show interest and support, talk
openly about suicide, and offer hope that alternatives are
available. Offer to pray with them and share scripture
with them (have passages in mind). Encourage such persons to
talk with a mental health professional who can take responsibility.
Cross-cultural workers sometimes would rather talk with a pastor,
and that is fine as well. If the person talks with one of
these, your task is finished. However, if they refuse to talk with
someone else, go on to Step 2, and remember that you should never
leave a person alone who is actively suicidal. Step 2: A plan?
Note that people harm themselves in different ways. Ask the
persons whether or not they have considered various ways of doing
it. Even if they have not begun to plan by thinking about a
way, offer to make an appointment for them with someone competent to
help, such as a mental health professional or pastor of their
choice. Also get at least a verbal commitment not to harm
themselves but to contact you if the feelings come again.
Express your concern and care for them and follow-up to see that
they keep their appointment. If they have considered various ways, ask them whether or not
they have chosen a way. If they have not chosen a way, offer
to go with them to see a mental health professional or a pastor.
If they have chosen a way, insist on a commitment in writing—a
contract signed by both of you in which they promise to do no harm
to themselves. Again express your concern and care and follow
up immediately with Step 3. Remember that actively suicidal
persons should not be left alone. (Note: If at any point they refuse to continue talking with
you or see someone else, contact someone who can take responsibility
for them. This may be a professional in their agency, their
supervisor, or anyone else who can help.) Step 3: The means?
Ask them if they have acquired the means to do the harm.
That is find out if they have the gun, the pills, the rope, the
knife, and so forth. If they have the means to do the harm,
call immediately for help and stay with them until someone
specializing in crisis intervention and suicide prevention arrives. What if they do?
If a person is determined to commit suicide, you probably cannot
prevent it. I know of one cross-cultural worker who was in a
mental health facility because of depression and suicidal
tendencies. Even though the staff knew about his condition, he
was able to take his own life while under their care. If people you have been trying to help take their own lives, it
is not your fault. Your responsibility is to love and care for
them as well as you can. If you do that, you have done all
that is possible. What if it’s me?
You may be reading this because you are the one contemplating
suicide. If so, follow the advice recommended in all three of
the steps. Go see a mental health professional or pastor who
can help you. Remember that suicidal thinking is usually associated with
problems that can be solved. If you cannot think of solutions,
mental health professionals, pastors, and even friends can help to
find a solution. Your suicidal crisis is a temporary one, and
once you get past the problem facing you, it will not look as big as
it does now. Ties to family or friends, your relationship with
God, and dreams for the future will provide meaning and satisfaction
in life in the future.
Ronald Koteskey is |
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As
a teacher in a Christian International school, imagine that during
your last class of the day as you hand back test papers one female
student says, “I can’t believe I did that. I could shoot
myself!” As you sit in the faculty meeting the next hour, a
teacher retiring at the end of the year is unfairly reprimanded by
the headmaster. He turns to you and says, “On days like this I
feel hopeless, like I would be better off dead.”